The Tenth Time I've Died
by The-Eternal-Emerald
Summary: This story goes over the end of "The End of Time Part 2," we are able to hear the doctor's thoughts as he goes around, saying goodbye one last time to the important people in his life. Though there is one person he cannot visit... rated M for future chap.
1. Chapter 1: The Singer is Off Key

He stood within the bar, in the middle of the Andromeda Galaxy, smiling despite his wounds, despite the horrific cantina music that eminated from the walls around him. If he was in better condition he would be making a smart remark about the irony of this bar compared to the star wars movie franchise... he would walk up to his friend hunched over at the bar and put a hand on his shoulder, telling him everything was going to be alright. Not much gets past a timelord, and though he was absent for the events that landed Captain Jack Harkess at this bar, drowning himself in liquor, he knew from his face why he was there. A man gets a look about him when he has committed murder, especially when its a murder of ones own. A decision that echoes in his own heart as he looks across the bar, watching the bartender handing Jack his slip of paper.

The doctor silently pushes away an image of Gallifrey burning and catches Jack's eye, focusing on his friend through the wail of the cantina singer and the dancing around him. He knew he didn't have to say goodbye to Jack, Jack always had that uncanny ability to read a person, even a timelord.

Jack paused, his lips pursed, his hands gripping his gin on ice like a clamp. He felt he should do something, a slight sweat breaking out on his forehead that had nothing to do with his alcohol blood content for once. He never liked being saluted... He saved Jack the trouble of a reaction by nodding to him as a young man sat down next to him. Perplexed, Jack paused. The doctor nodded again, his eyes steady, a goodbye within them. The young man beside him signaled the bartender, Jack's bright blue eyes glanced down at the paper he was given, only for a moment, his eyes darting over the name on the paper in the mundane scrawl. Alonso. Now, how did a man who was so interested in a particular blonde woman know this? A grin spread across his features and he looked to where the Doctor was standing. His face now was solemn, his lips pursed as he brought his hand up to salute Jack. Stunned, Jack barely was able to raise his hand in return... and he was gone then. An emptiness sunk into him, a sense of loss and loneliness, but there was a young soldier next to him looking like he needed a 'strong' shoulder to cry on, and Captain Jack as we know has shoulders perfect for just that.

"How did you know my name?"

"I'm kinda psychic..."


	2. Chapter 2: The Women in My Life

Chapter Two: The women in my life…

The timelord breathed in the fresh air, leaning on the Tardis. The blue wood felt cool and smooth against his clammy hand, as he adjusted his tie with the other. His legs were weak, and he couldn't help but smile. Donna always made fun of his legs, told him they were too skinny to support a real man... perhaps she was right. How he wished he could tell her that. The church across the street had been silent for some time now, and he had been alone with his thoughts. So much to reflect upon, and yet, his mind kept bring drawn back to the graveyard behind the church. The heartbeats within his chest were beginning to beat erratically, and he slammed a hand to his chest in reaction. He wheezed, moving his hand under his suit, massaging his chest through his shirt. The graves were overwhelming, their bold text, their ominous appearance, he turned searching for the Tardis Key within his pockets, feeling the need to be back within her safe walls. There would be no grave for him when this was all over.

It wouldn't be long now. Suddenly the church burst into activity. The bells in the tower began to ring, as the Temples and Nobles ran out of the church, screaming in jubilation. The Doctor turned at the noise, nearly dropping his key at the sight of Donna. Oh how he missed his best friend. Would the new him miss her as well... or would he forget Donna? She was all smiles, finally getting the wedding day she deserved. He couldn't hide a chuckle as she giggled and yelled with joy, showing her ring off to the world. Mrs. Temple... Donna looked around, soon spotting the photographer and began lining up her friends for a picture.

"Just Friends..." he heard her shout gleefully. Her bridesmaids and office friends gathering around her. He was only able to stop himself at the gate to the church property, he didn't even know he had crossed the road until his hands were gripping the gate, his dirty trainers scraping against its wood. Sadness filled his already breaking hearts, this was something he should be there for. He let her down, he let the Doctor Donna down. Oh how he missed his friend. His hand left the gate, and he stepped back into the shadows, his confidence gone. It was a bad idea to come here... what if she saw him? It seems he caught the attention of the elder Nobles. Wilf was making his way over to him, a smile already plastered over his kind face. He straightened himself up, and fought to steady his breathing. And as he stole one last look at Donna, his hand reached for the lotto ticket in his pocket.

"Keep it together... just keep it together... not much longer..."

The Tardis creaked as he opened it, he had turned away from the Nobles quickly. He couldn't bare to see Wilf salute him, couldn't bear not pulling Donna into a hug and thanking that bossy ginger for her friendship one last time. His steps were slow, his trainers slipping slightly on the metal floor as he made his way to the center console of the Tardis. He grasped the rail to his side with a long sweaty hand to steady himself. He had done all he could, helped everyone one last time, he should feel a sense of closure, but he didn't. Tears were welling up within his eyes, and the hum of the Tardis caught his ear. "If you could only go across dimensions," he whispered affectionately to the machine. He grasped the center console with both hands and caressed the controls. "Oh Rose," he whispered.

She was the first person who made him feel this way since his wife on Gallifrey, someone who understood him, someone who was kind and brilliant, Rose Tyler, simply fantastic. He blinked back a groan as he felt his body fighting the radiation. He fought back the rage that was licking dangerously at the edges of his mind. The rage that reminded him how he and Rose never could have had a real life together, how his metacrisis double was living the life he wanted with the woman he loved. But most of all, he was mourning how little time they really had together, how little he had really told her. His few years with the bouncy shop girl had been short, especially to a 906 year old time lord, but had been the happiest he had experienced in decades.

The memories of Rose must have distracted him from the pain in is body, and he suddenly doubled over, clutching at the place where his liver was. "Must be a toxin overload," he gasped. "Too much radiation trying to be cleansed at once..." He clutched at a Joystick on the control panel before collapsing to the floor, the pain becoming too much to take, his body rewarded him with a blissful blackout.

This is my first story/time writing in ages! I would really appreciate some helpful/encouraging reviews! Thank you so much!!!


	3. Chapter 3:It Felt Different This Time

Some say that when you are about to die, your whole life flashes before your eyes. For a Timelord, that in of itself would take a human lifetime. Amongst the Timelords many would say you would re-live your most favorite moments before your death. The doctor had always figured this would happen before one regenerated as well, and had always found it to be true, reliving the favorite moments of the said regeneration before the next came on. Last time after the world had gone black he had seen himself and Rose dancing slowly above a war stricken England. Jack had already retired for the evening, and he had her all to himself as they swayed slowly to the crackling radio music. The smell of her blonde hair and the gentle sound of her voice were the last things he saw before his world went completely black, and he woke up a stranger in someone else's badass leather jacket.

Now as his body lay unconscious, his mind once again returned to Rose Tyler.

She was sitting on the dilapidated seat in the middle of the Tardis control room. The machine hummed around her. He had been quietly watching her from the living quarters doorway, hidden from her view. She was safe, he was safe, he had not expected for both of them to survive their encounter with that impossible planet. Forces that were at work there were older than his people and that scared him. But not as much as the idea of losing her. Companions had come and gone, but Rose was the first one who said "forever," and he found himself wishing it was true.

Her bright blonde hair was still slightly damp from a shower, and she had changed from the jeans and pink shirt she had worn during their ordeal to a long, loose red tank top and a pair of black leggings that hugged her hips. His vision trailed down her body stopping at her freshly painted red toenails which were dangling in the air. She held a cup of tea in her hands under her chin, smelling its vapor. The buttons on the Tardis had distracted her, and she seemed lost in thought staring at their sequential blinks.

"Penny for your thoughts?" he asked, emerging from the dark doorway. Rose jumped; unaware he had been watching her. He walked over to her, his dirty trainers the only sound besides the breathing of the Tardis. Rose was unnaturally silent, but once he reached her she looked up at his grinning, yet concerned face and couldn't help a small smile.

"Mmm, don't think I'll be needin' American change anytime soon. It's pretty useless most places we go," she mused.

He laughed, expecting Rose to join in as well; her laughter was always like music to him. However, Rose Tyler was silent, staring up into his brown eyes with a piercing gaze. He nervously ran a hand through his hair, messing it, the other smashed into his pocket, where it usually went when he became uncomfortable. "What?" he asked, an eyebrow raised, his grin subsiding.

She looked away for a moment, setting the tea down beside her, before looking back at him, her teeth nibbling on her bottom lip. Her lips were pink with lip gloss, and he could smell the cherry flavoring from where he was standing. She inched forward on the seat, pulling herself forward with her hands which were now placed on the edge of the seat between her legs. He gulped, a few more inches and she would have scooted right into him. She was so close she had to tilt her head up to meet his gaze. "I almost died today," she whispered. Her voice was so low he could barely hear it. "And I... I thought I lost you. I thought you were dead." Her voice cracked, and her hazel eyes were beginning to glisten with the promise of tears to come. She inhaled sharply.

The Doctor stared down at the distressed girl before him; dealing with emotional women had never been a strength of his. He mustered up a grin, but kept his voice low, far from his usual forms of verbal communication which usually involved loud and jubilant exclamations. Both of his hands were now balled up inside his pockets. "Oh come on then," he muttered. "It wasn't that bad, you saw your first black hole, we found an untranslatable language, got some exercise in, and solved a mystery. It was like an episode of Scooby Doo, but in space with Ood... and neither of us are a talking dog, brilliant concept the talking dog, you humans won't perfect that for another 300 years or so..." Rose frowned her cherry flavored lips. It was so easy for him to dismiss the distress that comes from this lifestyle. She sighed when he mentioned Scooby Doo; a random pop culture reference always sent him into a dizzying fact filled rant. These rants were usually quite fun to watch unfold, but now was simply not the time. A tear escaped from one of her eyes, trickling slowly down her cheek. The Doctor stopped his babbling which had transitioned into the physical makeup of a dog's voice box, his face immediately serious. "Rose?"

"It's just that when I was watchin' that planet fall, I thought..." she choked the words out between a few sobs, tears falling now from both eyes.

"Rose," he murmured, leaning down, closer to her face. "I've been in tighter spots than that one there, really, you don't have to get so upset."

"I know," she sobbed and took a deep breath, trying to still her shaking frame. The Tardis hummed, and they were both silent for a moment, staring into each other's eyes. "But it felt different this time. I kept thinkin' there was so much we still had to do, so much left unsaid."


End file.
